I believe a large part of self identity is made up of where you came from, so I would like to share a bit about where I grew up. I just returned to New York from a trip to my hometown in West Virginia for my beautiful cousin's baby shower (she's due in May!).I lived on a windy back road in West Virginia. On a typical day, you could find me deep in the woods catching salamanders and hiking around a 20 foot waterfall near my home. I lived on the same road as most of my extended family on my mom's side - including my great grandma, grandma, grandpa, three aunts, two uncles and two cousins. I am an only child but it felt as if I had a brother and sister because I grew up so close to my cousins (also both only children).My hometown is an old steel mill town - everyone used to work in the mill. Downtown main street runs through the mill - metal, pipes and rusty buildings appear as if they sprouted up around the road. The mill filed for bankruptcy when I was in high school and laid off thousands of workers (including my dad). The city is a shadow of its former self because no other industry took the place of the mill. Gambling has taken hold of the city - filling every vacant building with glowing, dinging machines. If you want to grab a doughnut at the local bakery you may also step in the back and gamble if you'd like. Crime rates have increased and read recently that it is 1 of the top 10 poorest cities in the United States.Taking a trip in to see my family is bitter sweet. I love to visit with them but the atmosphere is quite depressing. It is as if no one in the town has hope for a brighter tomorrow. This atmosphere of sadness affected me as a teenager and still does when I return home. As a teenager my only goal was to leave the town and its foul mood behind me but of course when I left to attend college in New York it followed me. I had to learn to break the cycle of negativity which I believe I finally accomplished. The entire 20-week Vibrant Life Cleanse was born because of my recent breakthrough out of negativity.
Guest Blog: Self Identity
I am very excited to hear different perspectives on self identity and self awareness. I find that although everyone has their own thoughts and ideas on the subjects the main themes end up being very similar. Today's guest blog shares several books and blogs that delve into various perspectives.<3 Mae-----Hey everyone—Welcome to Saturday! I hope everyone has been able to sustain their happiness—or at least their sanity—throughout the week.Earlier this week Mae shared with us a TedX talk by Thandie Newton , in which Thandie spoke movingly about her identity evolution and how her eventual freedom from the question of defining her “self” allowed her to fully embrace human connection and happiness. In Thandie’s talk, the color of her skin was a main cause of uncertainty in who her “self” was supposed to be, as it prevented her from fitting in. Skin color and the concept of race are difficult, if not impossible, to separate from identity formation. Thandie’s talk reminded me of two books I know of that delve into the topics of identity and race. The first is called Black, White and Jewish: Autobiography of a Shifting Self, written by Rebecca Walker. The second book is What Are You Doing Here?: A Black Woman’s Life and Liberation in Heavy Metal, by Laina Dawes. Although these books focus on race, which is always a sensitive subject, their main themes of identity formation and growing up are issues we can all relate to struggling with, at some point in our lives.In Black, White and Jewish: Autobiography of a Shifting Self ,Walker describes what it is like growing up as a girl in the 70s with a white father and a black mother and navigating several different social worlds. Reading the book is like reading a young girl’s diary. Naïve, misbehaving and full of attitude. You are hooked and you follow as Walker’s young, earnest voice develops the maturity of an adult, as several times she is forced to confront the reality of her race and the roles society pushes her, and her family, into. The book provides a look at the mainstream and alternative life choices of 1970s families, from the perspective of a young girl in the middle of three social categories. It also beautifully describes growing up and the pain and pleasure experienced when we make choices about our identity, in a way that many of us—even living in the “2000s”—can connect to. I had several “This is/was my life” moments in reading this book. If you are interested in the exploring the concept of identity, I absolutely recommend Rebecca Walker’s Black, White and Jewish.What Are You Doing Here?: A Black Woman’s Life and Liberation in Heavy Metal, is a book I have not yet read, but I did hear a great interview with Laina Dawes on NPR, in which she spoke about the book. Dawes is a music critic who, as a young girl dealing with angst and stress of being a minority in a primarily white community, found solace and validation in heavy metal rock. At the age of eight she falls in love with the music and makeup of KISS (the heavy metal band). She quickly realizes, however, that because of her skin color that she “doesn’t belong” in the rock show crowds or fan base at all. In her interview she talks about the connection between music choices and identity, and how the power of her passion allowed her to overcome barriers that arose from this. If you think the relationship between music and identity is interesting, check this book out—I know I am going to!Sometimes comedy is the best way to address questions of identity, which can otherwise be a deep, serious and personal subject. Here are some online resources I have, related to gender identity, female identity and sexuality (which in this case is an advice series from a 20-something peer health educator).These authors/producers address issues of identity in many of their posts, scattered in between a large proportion of comic relief posts, just for fun. Be warned, much of this content is PG-13 or R-rated due to language and some adult content. If you can handle that, hilarity will ensue.I wish you all luck on your identity, and vibrant life journeys, and have a happy St. Patty’s Day Weekend!-Irenep.s. I would love a male perspective on the concept of identity—if anyone has any resources, please share!Resources –Finding the humor in identityJezebel (Blog): Female identityJenna Marbles (Youtube channel): Gender roles, critical thinking about societal standards for 20-somethingsLaci Green (Youtube channel): Sexuality, health, critical thinking about societal ideals surrounding sexHannah Hart (Youtube channels): look for the advice videos, and she talks about her own gender identity as well
My Identity - Communication and Connection
Good Evening Lovlies!A huge part of my identity is that I love to to communicate and connect to other people. I occasionally forget this part of me and turn inward but I have made a conscious effort to reach out to new people around me. I want to share a story that occurred at my usual coffee shop recently.--Frozen and windblown I walked in the back door of the Soul Full Cup with work on my mind and bags of work on my shoulders. I was unexpectedly greeted by a room full of college students and a live performer from Philly. Taken aback and aware that I wasn't going to accomplish any work related tasks, I almost turned around and walked out, but then I remembered I need to take time to enjoy life and interact with people!I squeezed through the masses, was able to score a free chamomile tea and a table right next to the singer. He had a messy guitar style, a smooth, distinct voice and a sense of humor. He played a great set and afterward I got up the nerve to ask if he’d let me buy him dinner. He said that would be great but he’s vegan so it might be difficult (I live in a small town).As he talked to the last stragglers leaving the coffee house, I frantically searched my smartphone for a vegan restaurant nearby. Luckily for me Orian was using Couchsurfing (a site where you can connect with kind souls who offer their couch to you during your travels) and his couch for the night knew of a nearby vegan restaurant – a quite fancy one at that. I spent the evening eating delicious vegan food and listening to local artists sing and play guitar on the couchsurfing’s host’s living room floor (which also happened to be a dance studio!). I had an amazing time and I am so glad that I didn't walk out of the coffee house without connecting with the great people I met that night.You can listen to Orion play "Where We're Going" below!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA0bzgv-Ado
Ted Talk -Thandie Newton: Embracing otherness, embracing myself
Today I would like to share a thought provoking Ted Talk by British Actress Thandie Newton entitled "Embracing otherness, embracing myself". Thandie speaks of living from your essence and suspending the projection of self. The projection of self is the illusion that the self is constant.
"The destruction of myself was so repetitive that I started to see a pattern. The self changed...but another one would evolve. The self was not constant."- Thandie Newton
Growing up, Thandie's projected self did not fit in among her peers and was constantly rejected. This lead to her self destructive thoughts and feelings (anxiety, confusion and shame) until she realized that the “self” was not constant, and not real.Her quote resonates with me because I have drastically changed multiple times over the past 5 years. Evolving, growing and learning. I have immersed myself in "heady" activities: reading, studying, thinking, pondering, questioning - but as the next quote points out this might not be the best thing to do.
“If we're all living in ourselves and mistaking it for life, then we're devaluing and desensitizing life.”- Thandie Newton
Thandie encourages us to suspend the self enough to recognize we are all connected. To engage, interact with, learn from and love each other.[ted id=1193]
- When do you feel oneness? Thandie feels it while dancing (me too!) and acting. I have also felt it while hiking trails in the woods.
- Do you think the self is a projection or that it remains constant?
- Have you ever been so lost in yourself that you forget to care about others?
Emotional Intelligence Appraisal
Good Evening Lovely Readers!I have completed my Emotional Intelligence Appraisal at Talent Smart and it sure is an eye opener. The code for the appraisal comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book. The assessment is quick (~20 questions) and all it asks of you is to reflect on the situations and answer honestly.Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to observe, assess and manage emotions which play a vital part in how we deal with others. Emotional Intelligence 2.0's primary purpose is to increase EI by first assessing your current EI (Taking the Appraisal) and then providing proven strategies for improving your competence in areas where you may be lacking.The Appraisal assesses your personal competence and social competence vs. what you see and what you do.Personal Competence x What I See = Self AwarenessPersonal Competence x What I Do = Self ManagementSocial Competence x What I see = Social AwarenessSocial Competence x What I Do = Relationship ManagementThe Scoring is broken down as followed:90-100 A strength to capitalize on80-89 A strength to build on70-79 With a little improvement, this could be a strength60-69 Something you should work onBelow 59 A concern you must addressMy scores were not perfect but that's OK because a friend recently reminded me that we are all perfectly imperfect (so true!).The program encourages users to start Emotional Intelligence improvement with Self Awareness (Personal Competence x What I See). The following tailored-to-me strategies were suggested to improve my Self Awareness:
- Observe the ripple effect from your emotions
- Watch yourself like a hawk
- Seek feedback
In Emotional Intelligence 2.0, the ripple effect from your emotions is compared to a ripple effect from a stone swiftly dropping into water.
"Your outpourings of emotion are like stones that send ripples through the people in your life."- Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
Observing the ripple effect from emotions can be difficult at times for me because when I occasionally "dump emotions" on others I have a tendency to move on to the next topic, quickly forgetting about the emotion. Emotions are contagious so I need to remind myself that venting negative emotions on others can leave them feeling negative. I want to leave a positive impression on people and leave people feeling positive!Watching yourself like a hawk in the EI world is to develop a more objective understanding of your own behavior. When I get caught up in emotion it is very easy to get tunnel vision and forget to look at the situation objectively. I tend to assess situations after they occur not while they are in process. I will work toward pulling myself out of the emotion to view the whole picture "like a hawk" from above. I can do this by taking note of my behaviors and thoughts as the emotion unfolds.
"Self-awareness is the process of getting to know yourself from the inside out and the outside in. The only way to get the second, more elusive perspective is to open yourself up to feedback from others"- Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
Seeking feedback from others to understand how I am perceived is a big risk. I do not love putting myself out there (fear is a big part of this) but for the sake of learning and growing I will be seeking true feedback from others.Emotional Intelligence is a new concept for me and I am excited to learn more by finishing the book as well as interviewing Katie Dahmen, the EI presenter I recently met, on Thursday!
Week 3: Self Identity/Self Awareness - Loving Your Current Self
The past two weeks have been dedicated to devising a proper eating, sleeping and exercising schedule, as well as establishing financial goals. This week I am focusing on Self Identity and I am very excited about it! Self Identity to me is shedding the layers from years past and breaking out of the mold that people in your life place on you depending on when they met you.High School friends, parents and college friends view you in a certain way based on your past experience together and have difficulty seeing you differently as you evolve. Self Identity is loving your current self and letting go of the past. This week will be filled with identifying ways to be OK with where I am right now and who I am right now.I was lucky enough to spend last weekend in beautiful Wilmington, Delaware at the Regional Society of Women Engineers (SWE) Conference. The very first session I attended on Saturday was about Emotional Intelligence – self awareness / identity and the awareness of how people respond to you. I was thrilled to see this session on the agenda because it fit perfectly with this week’s theme! This week I will be reading Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves as well as interviewing Katie Dahmen, the presenter at the SWE workshop I attended. I will also be creating lists of my strengths and weaknesses, completing the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal, investing in some new wardrobe items and scheduling time to reflect on how much I accomplish each day.What does self identity mean to you?